The Jasmine Blossom There are many words I’d use to describe myself. I believe that I know myself well enough to be honest about who I am. It comes with being an introspective introvert.
To go through life in denial of one’s true self must truly suck. I’ve always wanted to learn more about myself, and others, and living creatures in general.
To challenge oneself to be better and do better with time is a necessity, in my opinion.
As humans who have the ability to learn we should learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others and try to improve our lives, and the lives of those we care for.
At this point in time, the three words I’d use to describe me are honest, creative, and empathetic.
1. Honest
Honesty is the best policy. I say this phrase a lot, because it’s true. What do you have to gain from lying to yourself about your ambitions or your regrets? The world would be a much better place if people believed in the power of the truth.
These past few months I’ve seen how cruel people are when they don’t have to face the consequences of their actions. People don’t want to own up to their mistakes, which is unfortunate.
Besides the people they’ve hurt, in the end, they’re only showing that they are not honest with themselves. If you truly feel that you’ve done something wrong you should apologize.
On the flip side, if you know you haven’t done anything wrong, and know you don’t deserve to be treated in certain ways, you should be honest with yourself. Is this how you want to go through life? Being the scapegoat for your so-called friends? No.
It’s freeing to have honest conversations with yourself and others. When I reflected on my college experience I realized how far I’ve come, from shy and anxious and grieving to being myself around complete strangers.
I also realized that I still have a ways to go, and that’s okay. I chose to follow through on my beliefs, and made difficult decisions for the overall benefit of my mental health – and I stand by those decisions.
I will no longer apologize when I am not sorry, because that’s essentially lying. If I apologize, I mean it. I also won’t hold onto guilt that is not mine to hold. The shame of making a mistake doesn’t help anyone, so I focus on changing for the better.
This summer has been great for forcing me to reflect on these past few months, rather than worry about the next assignment, task, or meeting.
School will be starting again soon, and to remain honest, I won’t back down from what I know is right. Get ready.
2. Creative
The desire to express myself comes naturally. My imagination keeps me occupied all day long. Life is one big story to me, and I see every experience as a new page.
This is why I love writing. I can put thoughts, feelings, and observations onto paper and keep records for years to come.
We each have our own unique perspective of the world, shaping how we consciously and unconsciously behave. I reflect on my worldview and act how I see fit.
I play the violin, knit scarves, make jewelry, scrapbook my memories, design clothing, draw, paint, and do so much more. We should all do what makes us happy – as long as we’re not harming others – and a lot of artsy activities make me happy.
Even when I play video games I create stories to entertain myself. For example, in Sims4 I create entire narratives around specific Sims, like I’m watching a movie, except I’m creating it.
To me, being creative means you create. I don’t think you have to meet any other criteria to consider yourself creative.
You can be creative when you style your hair, try new recipes, organize your closet, or when you put on makeup.
Summer’s not over yet, so I’m going to keep using this time to express myself how I see fit.
3. Empathetic
I’ve always been a crybaby and deemed too sensitive. What’s so wrong with showing emotions other than pure joy or anger? Despite my feelings being frowned upon, I chose to be compassionate to others.
I relate to otters rather easily and can see where people are coming from. This doesn’t mean that I understand their reasoning nor does it mean I approve.
Empathy simply means that I put myself in other people’s shoes and try to see their perspective. To me, empathy is when you see that someone is sad and you begin to feel sad, because you can feel the pain in their voice.
It’s when a friend or even a stranger cries and you begin to cry too. In fact, it’s the emotional type of empathy that makes me a crybaby. I’ve learned to self-regulate my emotions, often to the point of pushing my own feelings aside.
This is why honesty is so important to me. How can I truly be empathetic towards others if I’m not honest with myself about how I feel?
It’s tricky to balance emotional empathy with self-care, because constantly feeling the emotions of others, especially the negative ones is draining.
You can’t always be there for other people, and even if they cannot understand why you need to prioritize yourself, you’ll eventually have to. Otherwise, you’ll burn out trying to “fix” everyone’s problems but your own.
Who comforts the person who is always comforting others? I’m hypersensitive, which means that negative emotions linger and ruminate if I let them.
As an introvert, constantly interacting with others is already draining and on top of that I want to help others. But how can I help others if I can’t help myself?
I know that there are truly kind people out there. I also know that there are people who won’t hesitate to take advantage of another’s kindness. There are people who see compassion as weakness, and as a sign that someone is easy to manipulate.
I become closed off, at times, and have learned to be more cautious with who I trust with my feelings. This is why I want to go into the helping field of school psychology.
This is also why I’m learning to find a better balance between self-regulation and expressing my care towards others. Setting healthy boundaries and holding firmly onto them, has been my most impactful method.
There are people out there who need someone to listen, and there are people who need someone to take action. People are complex, it can be some of both or neither. However, I cannot do one or the other, they both go hand-in-hand.
Being overly emotional can be seen as compassion, but it can also be counterproductive as it’s simply not the same as taking action. Being too logical can be seen as unsympathetic, but it can also lead to practical solutions and long-term effects.
Finding the balance between the two will take a lifetime, but I look forward to learning.
From my descriptions of these three words you can probably think of a few more that describe me, such as, imaginative, reflective, or kind.
You may even consider me to be prideful, judgmental, or withdrawn. However you choose to see me, it’s fine. I know who I am.
Make sure to check out my previous post on this month’s 30-Day Writing Challenge!
